Fun

You meant something, in a certain time.

You made my heart beat fast and my tongue rhyme.

Now you’re just a picture, just a memory.

This love was destined for calamity.

I almost lost myself in this pain. I’m struggling not to feel distain.

There are many knocking at my door, but what they offer? My heart wants more.

I thank you for your love, you were a blessing from above.

I heard you hated me, and I was confused. I’m the one that was hurt and feeling used.

You and I both know that I don’t have to be alone, I chose that solitude in hopes to atone.

The night is young, I’ve a silver tongue. The fun has only just begun.

Devon

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Triumphant

I started this day in pain, but my love for love is triumphant. That passion is a greater part of me than the pain she caused.

With each breath, through whatever pain, the sun is shining beyond the clouds. There lives a burning passion within my heart, to love wildly, without inhibition.

The sun has set on days past, but the moon has risen on evenings to come. My eyes, dark as night, will be fixated yet again on the life I was meant to live.

Never forsake your passion, in your beating heart, you’ll find that fire.

Devon

Unashamed of the pain

I want to put on a smile, I want to show you and the world that I’m strong, that I’m a real man, undaunted by you or anything that happened in my past. I want to prove that my life didn’t end because you left.

But, I find it hard to hide my feelings, I find it hard to be ashamed of my pain. Because that pain is a part of me, it’s a part of my life right now. To be ashamed of being hurt would be the same as being ashamed of myself.

Some days hurt more than others, today being one of them. Dreams, damn it, you haunt me in my dreams. Where can I hide from you? Where can I go, and hide away from you for a bit?

Everyone I have ever loved betrayed me. Everyone. You said you would never leave, when I asked you once. Mom, Dad, Grandma, ex’s, you, all of you have betrayed me. How much of my heart do I have left? Because I’m growing tired of that pain. Every betrayal has echoed in my heart over the years, and they have been present in my mind, always there whispering in my ear.

When I was a boy, I remember wishing I would die so that maybe then my family would miss me, maybe then they would be sorry. Although I couldn’t experience it, I was content in knowing that in death, I would have finally had that love I wanted so desperately. A little boy thinking this, looking out his window, all alone.

I just wanted something pure for once. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to love without fear. For once, I just wanted to see my happy ending arrive.

Accepting you’re gone is one thing, but knowing how it all ended is what I struggle with. Knowing the coldness, after experiencing your warmth over the years. Who can I trust? Now, you tell me, who out there can I trust? How will they get through this barrier I’ve put up? There is no counseling that will remove that innate pain, because it’s real. It’s there. It’s as much a part of me as my soul.

-Devon

Bad dreams

The nightmares have returned, waking up shaking again and again throughout the night. I’m confused by the world, I know it, yet I don’t understand it.

The hearts and minds of people are inwardly focused, totally barren without compassion. 

What really bothers me is that I’m clinging to my belief in love, despite being proven time and time again that it’s a fleeting emotion. In an instant, it’s gone. Just like her.

Devon

Vodka poems

Nights consumed me, I was all alone.

Many voices and chimes come from my phone.

In solitude I sat, it was my choice.

Never again will I hear her voice.

It’s ok, I don’t mind.

A vicious cruelty my heart was entwined

I’m standing up from the ground.

It’s that very place where my heart was ground.

But, I’m feeling better each day.

To her, I’ve nothing left to say.

On to the horizon, the beautiful sun.

I close my eyes, a new life has begun.