Journals about you

I can still feel your hand on my shoulder, resting so delicately like a flower petel. I can feel your presence at my back, like sunshine casting warmth on a fall day. I can hear your voice, one of my most favorite melodies. I am drunk from our memories, engrossed by them, tortured by them.

I keep telling myself I need to tear myself away from what was, but I’m so afraid to stop writing about us. It’s the only presence that I have of you now. I just need some more time to accept this. It felt like a terrible dream, but each day it becomes increasingly real. I never let you read my many journals, I’ve kept them very secret, despite the many pages about you. But, I suppose that world I kept from you is exposed here, at least the crumbling bits that are left of it. I just wish I would’ve let you see that world in a happier time. Perhaps what it felt like to finally buy the ring. Or, how it felt to be madly in love with someone as wonderful as you. Maybe you wouldn’t have questioned my love. It’s a sunny day today, just like the day we first met.

4 thoughts on “Journals about you”

    1. Thank you Just Me, I was feeling the same about your post about the rain. Always a pleasure 🙂 I’m finding myself stuck in a loop lately, but I’m working on getting to a point where nights aren’t so difficult. I’m getting there, slowly

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was watching a show this evening and this song came on and well I thought of you and your situation,

        “Baby I’m still learning how to lose you,
        Like the kickback from a smoking gun it takes some getting used to,
        And I can’t unpull the trigger, I can’t make you call,
        And these ghost I treat like lovers ain’t been helping me at all”

        “I stay up all night for fear of talking in my sleep,
        Cause if I dream about your memory, I’ll just beg you not to leave,
        And the mornings don’t bring mercy, not like you could do,
        When I would only ever brave the day by waking up with you”

        “Cause baby I’m still learning how to lose you,
        Like the kickback from a smoking gun it takes some getting used to,
        And I can’t unpull the trigger, I can’t make you call,
        And these ghost I treat like lovers ain’t been helping me at all”

        It takes time to move on, but like you said, slowly the nights aren’t so difficult.

        Liked by 1 person

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